The Worst Movies of 2016

//DAVID ROBINSON//

Hey, Hollywood! I have a New Year’s Resolution for you: never make movies like these again. 2016 had some fantastic flicks, but these certainly were not anywhere near fantastic; on the contrary, they were horrendous. These ten movies are the Worst Movies of 2016. Please note that this countdown is my personal opinion which may or may not resonate with you. I would also like to point out that if you enjoyed these ten movies, I am not trying to call you out or shame you; I am simply counting down ten movies from 2016 that I found to be almost painful watch. Let’s take care of this fast and get it over with, so that I never have to talk about these movies ever again:

#10. “Assassin’s Creed”

This movie, unfortunately, disappointed “Assassin’s Creed” fans and non-fans alike. A story with great potential is boiled down to a weak and predictable plot, the characters are incredibly dry, the actors seem like they were forced to be in this movie, the soundtrack is pitiful and the action scenes are filmed in a way that makes it near impossible to understand what is going on. Whether you believe that movies adapted from video games are always bad is your own opinion, but there is no denying that “Assassin’s Creed” certainly did not assist the claims that video game movies will one day be good.

#9. “Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children”

I hated this movie with an indescribable fury. There was not a single original or creative thing about “Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children”; every single aspect of this movie is just a recycled set of ideas from better films. No one in this movie had any common sense, the characters seemed to deliberately make things more difficult than they needed to be and the performances were flat out weird. “Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children” contributed to my belief that young adult book-to-movie adaptations need to stop being made.

#8. “The 5th Wave”

I did not think “The 5th Wave” was all that bad in the first act, but when the story begins to “pick up pace”, I immediately lost interest and felt bored. I predicted the entire movie from beginning to end, I rolled my eyes at (yet another) stupid love triangle, I could not stand any of the cast members and the best part of this movie was when it was over. There is really nothing more to say about “The 5th Wave”.

#7. “Ghostbusters”

I did my best to stay away from critics’ reviews and public opinion about “Ghostbusters” and I tried to keep an open mind, but I just could not get over how pathetic of a reboot this movie was. The person who got the idea to reboot “Ghostbusters” needs to be slapped in the back of the head multiple times because the comedy is not even remotely funny, the story is boring and predictable and the special effects are inexcusably awful. Please, Rory Bruer (Sony’s president of distribution); do not make a sequel. I could barely handle this one as it is.

#6. “Batman Versus Superman: Dawn of Justice”

I was not originally going to feature “Batman Versus Superman” on here, but I resolved to do so after I realized that no film in 2016 (or any film, period) disappointed me more than “Batman Versus Superman” did. I waited three years to see this movie. I was more excited for it than I was for “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” (2015). And how was my anticipation and excitement rewarded? A vicious slaughter of my love for these characters, Jesse Eisenberg’s weird take on Lex Luthor, a boring course of events, unnecessary amounts of exposition, a ridiculously stupid reasoning behind Batman’s choice to (SPOILERS!) stop fighting Superman and a ludicrous ending. Thanks for nothing, DC, David Goyer and Zack Snyder; you guys intentionally ruined Batman, Superman, Lex Luthor and the DC universe for me. (Fun fact: I typed my thoughts on this movie with my middle finger.)

#5. “Cell”

I still do not get how a movie adapted from a popular Stephen King novel with John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson could be so bad, but it just was. I do not know how to put into words how mundane and slow this movie was. I am still surprised that I did not fall asleep when I watched it and I still can not get over how ridiculous this movie’s ending is. Stay away from “Cell” at all costs.

#4. “Collateral Beauty”

“Collateral Beauty” was a complete waste of talent and story potential. If you watch the trailers for this movie, you see New Line Cinema selling an intriguing, thought-provoking and soulful story with a brilliant cast (Will Smith, Kate Winslet, Edward Norton, Keira Knightley, Helen Mirren, Naomie Harris and Michael Pena) about a man who has lost his daughter being visited by people who claim to be the physical beings of Time, Death and Love. Sounds interesting, right? Well, I am sorry to say that New Line Cinema tricked and deceived people who were interested in seeing “Collateral Beauty” because the trailer’s story is far better than the actual one. What this movie is actually about is a group of advertising employees plotting to get their friend/employer fired by hiring actors to pretend to be Time, Death and Love, so that they can secretly record their friend talking with these actors, edit out the actors to make it look like their friend is talking to himself and show the edited footage to their board so that their friend can appear crazy and get fired. This is a classic example of Hollywood deceiving audiences and I would not watch it again if you paid me to.

Courtney Eaton on the red carpet for ‘Gods of Egypt’ in New York City on February 24, 2016.

#3. “Gods of Egypt”

This is the only film on this list that is so bad that it is good. “Gods of Egypt” is hilarious; it is so convinced that it is an adventurous and bold film when it is anything but that. Gerard Butler overacts like a maniac in this movie and the CGI and green screen work done on this movie is dreadful and overbearing. I highly recommend getting some friends together for a movie night and renting “Gods of Egypt” because I guarantee you will all laugh your socks off at how serious it takes itself.

#2. “Norm of the North”

When I saw Rob Schneider’s name on the cast, I knew “Norm of the North” was going to be bad, but I had no idea that it would be this bad. “Norm of the North” panders to the stereotype that all childrens’ movies are immature, crude and annoying. It attempts to sneak in a positive message about saving the environment, but it is completely overshadowed by pathetic voice acting, numerous scenes of a polar bear twerking and repulsive animation. All that I am going to say about “Norm of the North” is something that George Lucas once said about “The Star Wars Holiday Special” (1978); “If I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would track down every copy of that movie and smash it.”

#1. “Nine Lives”

After watching this monstrosity, I had to sit down for a few moments to question humanity, Hollywood, Kevin Spacey, Christopher Walken, Jennifer Garner and Barry Sonnenfeld. I really do not know where to begin to explain how bad this movie was. I guess the only thing I can do is challenge those with a strong stomach and have a ridiculous amount of time on their hands to watch it. This is not a movie that is so bad that it is good or a movie that is hilariously awful; it is a movie that you watch and then wonder how this could possibly get a green-light from distributors and producers. I am sorry, but I can not talk about “Nine Lives” anymore; I am experiencing nightmarish flashbacks of watching this film and I have got to get out of here quick.
You are more than welcome to formulate your opinion on these flicks, but I truly believe the only one of these films that has any redeemable quality is “Gods of Egypt”. Everything else is pure garbage. I am glad I got that out of the way, but I can already see similarly awful films on 2017’s horizon.

, , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: